


All The Love, H (A Harry Styles Short Story)

by 1dfangirl



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No One Direction, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Love, Love Letters, Short, Tearjerker, one direction short story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 18:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 24,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17730011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1dfangirl/pseuds/1dfangirl
Summary: Olivia,You always used to tell me that writing was an entrance to the soul.  It had the ability to allow us to express ourselves fully, to create a world which limit was solely your own imagination, and to heal even the deepest of wounds..... And so, given that you are the person that inspired this and all, what better to write about then the story of us?All the Love,H





	1. Chapter 1

_Olivia,_

_You always used to tell me that writing was an entrance to the soul.  It allows us to express ourselves fully, create a world in which the limit is solely your own imagination, and to heal even the deepest of wounds.  I never experienced this myself, but I saw it through you.  I watched you journal daily; writing down your deepest thoughts, things  that I didn't even know.  I watched the calm it brought you, the balance you felt after your daily journal or the joy you experienced after jotting down a crazy idea for that novel you always wanted to write._

_But I also watched you suffer your greatest frustrations at the hand of that pen.  I saw you throw your papers at the wall when you couldn't see your next plan of action, shed tears when you poured out your heart into your journal and want to quit in the face of rejection, over and over again.  And because of this I never took up the hobby.  I never allowed your claim that I had a way with words to persuade me into entering the world_ _which_ _you loved and hated at the same time._

_But now after everything we've gone through, I thought I'd give it a shot.  I figure if you swore on the magical powers of writing down your thoughts that maybe it might help me like it's helped you time and time again.  And so, given that you are the person that inspired this and all, what better to write about then the story of us? The story about how Harry Edward Styles from Cheshire fell in love with Olivia Scarlett Bennett from Illinois._

_But don't be too hard on me, okay love? I've only just started this whole writing thing, and I can't guarantee that  I'm the best of storytellers.  And don't forget that although its our story, I'm the one telling it, so just because you swear it didn't quite happen that way, its not up for debate._

_All the Love,_

_H_  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

_Olivia,_

_I still remember the very first time our paths crossed. It started out as a typical Saturday night in New York City. I was out celebrating passing my final exam of my first year of medical school with some friends, and I certainly wasn't expecting to meet the love of my life. But fate would have it differently._

_The Underground was this popular little club in the heart of the Big Apple. It was always packed, always loud, and always offered the best entertainment. Seeing that I had only just arrived in New York City a few_ _months_ _earlier, I had yet to enjoy the finer parts of New York nightlife, but my friend Niall, who had spent his four years of undergrad in a less than sober state here told us that if we wanted the best nightlife in the United States of America, this was the place. I took his word for it, after all what did the Brit from the small town of Holmes Chapel know about New York City?_

_When we entered the club around 11pm that night, Niall was already wasted. I remember walking into the pounding music and flashing lights and wondering what I had gotten myself into. Was this really the best way to let loose after a stressful week? Within minutes of entering the club, we found ourselves at the bar with Niall ordering us a round of shots and_ _Zayn_ _practically forcing me to chug a beer in ten seconds. Once the alcohol kicked in we headed to the dance floor, pushing our way through the crowded bodies._

_As I write this, I can still smell the combination of sweaty bodies and spilled drinks. It was one of those smells that would be repulsing at any time except when you are highly intoxicated. Niall spotted a group of girls and started to chat them up. He invited them over to dance with us and soon enough I found myself pressed chest to back with some girl who could barely stand on her own two feet. We danced for awhile and I looked over to see Niall clearly enjoying his time with the girl he had found. I knew he wouldn't be going home alone tonight._

_I've never been much for crowds of people, or dancing for that matter and so I decided to head to the bar for another drink, hoping it would maybe loosen me up. That's when I saw you. You were sitting at the bar sipping on your drink slowly, wearing tight black skinny jeans and a purple top that hugged your body in all the right places. I couldn't help but notice the way your brown hair cascaded down your back and how even when you were sitting there looking bored out of your mind, you had the most beautiful face I had ever seen._

_I pulled up a seat next to you and raised my hand for the bartender, telling him that I would like a rum and coke. You looked over at me and I caught the light reflecting into your green eyes. I asked if I could buy you a drink and you smiled shyly and said that you "guess that would be okay". I introduced myself as Harry and you told me your name was Olivia. I remember thinking Olivia was the perfect name for you, it had the ring to it that made you want to shout it from the rooftops._

_We started up a conversation. I found out that you, like me, had been dragged to the Underground by friends telling you that you needed to unwind. I also found out that you too had recently moved to the area for your new job working as a journalist for the New York Times. I told you that I just moved to NYC to start medical school._

_Our conversation flowed easily. You told me that you are from Illinois originally, a Midwestern girl, but had moved to New York to be surrounded by art. You said New York City helped your creative juices flow, and there was no better place for you to find your muse. I told you that I'm from England. Cheshire, specifically. You_ _noted_ _that_ _it was_ _quite obvious, with that "cute accent of mine". You asked me why I decided to move to New York City. It was the first time I'd ever been asked that question, in fact it was the first time I'd ever thought about it even being a question._

_Why had I moved to New York? I said that it was because it had one of the best medical schools in the world. I rambled about how Britain didn't have any good schools and that I wanted the best education I could get. It was the reason I repeated through my head endlessly at night in those days. But what I didn't tell you was that I had desperately wanted to get away from home. I had wanted to get lost, stay hidden, and blend in with the millions of other people who called New York City home. I think you may have seen through my lie. Maybe you had done some research on medical schools and caught my bluff, or maybe you knew better than to believe that there weren't many other less polluted locations in which to attend medical school._

_"Why journalism?" I asked you, eager to continue the conversation. I was rather enjoying our barside chat. In fact, I was glad that I had decided to grab a drink. I hadn't had a stimulating conversation like this in a long time._

_"I love to write," you said. "But journalism is really just the stable job to allow me to do that. I really want to write novels. There's a story in everything you know, and in New York City, inspiration is all around us. It practically bleeds from the skyscrapers." I hadn't thought of it that way before, as you know I'd always been more of a science guy. But that description of the city has stayed in my mind to this day. "I don't know why I told you that" you laughed, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, that nervous habit you never managed to get rid of._

_"Alcohol maybe? Inspiration from a stranger?" I joked._

_"Something like that," you smiled._

_"Care for a dance?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure if you even wanted to dance considering we were sitting at the bar in the middle of the club. I decided to go for it anyways, after all the worst thing that could happen was for you to say no._

_You surprised me by responding "I thought you'd never ask" and off we waltzed to_ _the_ _center of the floor to join the blobs of grungy bodies pulling off dance moves they'd never do while sober._

_We danced almost until the bar closed that night. We laughed and joked and got so close that I could feel my heart begin to race. But at the end of the night, you rushed off with your friend Sarah, who was having an awful time keeping down the ungodly amounts of alcohol she had consumed. Next thing I knew you were headed out the door, and I hadn't had a chance to ask how to get in touch with you._

_"Maybe I'll see you around sometime," you yelled through the crowd, just loud enough for me to make out your words._

_"Ya maybe," I shouted back, but my words were drowned out and I watched you be whisked away by your friends._

_All I knew from that moment on though was that I needed to see you again._

_All the Love,_

_H_


	3. Chapter 3

_Olivia,_

_The morning after that fateful night, I was different. It wasn't a different that could easily be put into words. The sun seemed brighter, the grass smelled sweeter and my world seemed larger. That night had been the first night in as long as a could remember that I really felt like a real person; not some mindless robot or a brain roaming around in a sack of skin._

_Talking to you was like getting a taste of the life I was missing. I had forgotten what it was like to not have a conversation that revolved around cells, pathologies and procedures. And your life, Olivia, your life was so different from my own, but so similar at the same time. We both had dreams. We both had goals, but the approaches couldn't be more different. I had always had a plan, I had always stuck to the plan and never strayed from the path. You, however, you weren't afraid of life taking you another direction. A true free-spirit that let the wind take you in whatever direction it blew. I couldn't imagine the uncertainty that you had felt, the struggles you felt when the path wasn't clear._

_To be fair, Olivia, I still don't understand how you did it. You swear it was just trusting fate, but I think it was more than that. Trusting fate was one thing, but actually falling for fate, actually letting fate choose your every action, that was closer to choosing adventure- the little flicker of crazy that I saw glimpses of now and then._

_I think it was that flicker, that spark of adventure, that led your face to keep popping into my mind night after night that week. Niall would ask me what was wrong, why I was acting so weird, what had my head up in the clouds and my feet off the ground. I never had an explanation for him. I blamed it on stress. I blamed it on not knowing what to do now that I finally had some time to myself. I blamed it on everything but a chance encounter with an aspiring young author in a New York City bar. One with eyes that I couldn't seem to get out of my head and a smile that haunted my every dream._

_This didn't happen to me. This didn't happen to Harry Styles. Although I can't say that I was ever a ladies man, I kept my cool, and I'd never found myself so enamored with a girl, so infatuated with someone after such a short period of time._

_That next day I also realized that I very well had made the biggest mistake of my life thus far, not getting your number, not finding a time to see you again. Here I had met an incredible woman, a woman who was inspiring, a woman who had given me that indescribable feeling- and I had let her slip through my fingers._

_Niall asked me about you. Asked me about what had happened to that girl I had been "chatting up at the bar". I told him you had to leave. He gave me that face guys give each other to subtly tell the other one they dropped the ball and they blew it._

_I knew I blew it, I knew I blew it with you. And I wanted to not care, I wanted to move on and forget the whole thing had even happened. I wanted to look back on that night in five years and not remember it as anything but the night after I finished my first year of medical school._

_But I couldn't. Or at least I couldn't for a while. Because how do you forget about a night where you made a connection like that? How do you forget about a night where your outlook on life had been totally flipped around?_

_I never told you this did I? I never told you just how much that first night had changed me. Maybe that's because I was so afraid that if I had you may have run the entire other direction. You didn't tell someone they changed your life after a simple conversation in a bar, not if you didn't want to seem like some totally enamored fool anyway._

_But I should have. I should have told you this then, instead of now, because then maybe you would understand just how deep our connection was, just how much you came to mean to me in just a short amount of time._

_Or maybe I just should have told you that night, in the bar, instead of letting you be whisked away by your friends without a trace, almost as if you had never existed. I should have recognized how extraordinary you were from those first few minutes of conversation. I should have made a move._

_But then again, with all your "trusting fate", I suppose it was meant to be that way, because next time I met you, I would know exactly what to do._

_All the love,_

_H_


	4. Chapter 4

_Olivia,_

_I don't dare say I forgot about you, after that night we first met. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that three years later when I was beginning my first year as an emergency medicine resident that you were just a distant memory trapped in the deepest corners of my mind. New York is a big city after all, and the chances of running into someone again completely by chance is rare, if not impossible._

_I remember it being a particularly stressful day in the ER, even before it happened. I had two patients go into cardiac arrest, had declared a patient brain dead and had seen one of the worst broken arms of my short medical career. But no medical school training prepared me for what was to come that day._

_That fire, the fire in one of the largest apartment buildings in New York City had sent our Level One Trauma center into chaos. Person after person came in on a stretcher, filling every corner of the Emergency Department until you couldn't even walk without coming into contact with some sort of burn victim or crush injury._

_But the smell, the smell was worst of all. Burnt flesh. Singed hair. I always quite enjoyed the smell of a nice fire burning peacefully in a fireplace. After that day I couldn't look at fire the same way-or tolerate the smell without being flashed back to that day full of trauma._

_As with any major casualty event, the waiting room had begun to fill with numerous reporters- waiting for an update on injury numbers, casualties, really anything that would give them the news story they so desperately wanted for the weekend headlines._

_I normally steered as far away from that area as I could. I wasn't qualified to talk to anyone. But with the ED in full-on disaster mode, my job was taking me to areas of the hospital I had never needed to journey to before. And one of these just so happened to walk me past the waiting room._

_I normally wouldn't have looked-after all the hospital was in full-on crisis mode and I had places to be- but at the precise moment that I crossed in front of the waiting room area, my clumsy hands dropped the charts I was holding, scattering them across the hard linoleum floor and forcing me down onto my hands and knees._

_You'd say this is where fate stepped in right?_

_As I gathered the papers and stood up, I caught a glimpse of your chocolate hair and distinct smile. Even after three years, it was unmistakably you._

_At first I thought maybe it was all just a figment of my imagination. Perhaps I'd inhaled a bit too much of the lingering smoke that seemed to now cake every surface in the ED. But then your eyes met mine, and you smiled a bit wider._

_"It's Olivia right?" I uncharacteristically blurted out, praying to God above that I didn't mistake some other young journalist for you. After the words tumble from my mouth I realized how crazy I must sound, remembering the name of a girl I met one night three years ago._

_"Yes.." you studied my face, crinkling your nose like you always do when you are deep in thought. "I'm sorry you look very familiar, we've met before?" your cheeks flushed like they do when you're a bit nervous._

_"Harry Styles," I said extending a hand, "We met ages ago really, in a bar." You looked at me with a glimpse of recognition. "Sorry, that's seems kinda crazy-names just really stick with me for some reason." I quickly attempted to cover my mistake._

_"The English doctor, how could I forget," you smiled, and I felt a sense of relief wash over my body._

_"What brings you here?" I asked politely. I really just wanted to ask for your number and get back to my patients, but I knew I couldn't be that straightforward. Your face curled up in a little smile, and I know now that you were likely thinking of how ridiculous of a question that was._

_"Mass casualty incident. We are here trying to break the story," you motioned to the large number of reporters and camera men gathered throughout the waiting room, many with a pen and pad of paper in hand. "But I'm sure you already knew that."_

_"May have seen a few patients today," I smiled, mildly afraid that you were about to bombard me with some journalist questions. "It was lovely to see you again Olivia, but unfortunately if you're looking for a story, I probably should be treating patients and not chatting up a beautiful girl."_

_I gathered the papers once again in my hands and tried to recall what exactly I had been off to do when I got so distracted. I suddenly remember what I had told myself years earlier, after you had first rocked my world. I would be a fool to let someone like you slip through my fingers twice, at least not without giving it a shot._

_I turned back to face you. "Olivia?"_

_"Yes?" you responded with a smirk. You always were a mind reader like that. Knowing exactly what I was going to say, even before I knew it._

_"Could I have your number? You know, in case I have some information or comments to give you for your story later." Looking back, I realize there were probably a million better ways for me to ask for your number, but you have to give me a little slack, I was in the middle of a very stressful work shift after all._

_"Of course," You grabbed your pen and begin to scratch on the pad of paper in front of you, then rip it off and hand it to me. "Hope you can help me get the insider scoop."_

_We both laughed a little awkwardly, and then I returned to my work, and you to yours. But as I walked away, looking at your ten digit telephone number swirling on the paper in my hand, I couldn't help but smile. That's when I knew for sure, Olivia, that that wouldn't be the last I saw of you. That wouldn't be the last I saw of you for a long time._

_All the Love,_

_H_


	5. Chapter 5

_Olivia,_

_I'd never been more nervous for a first date than that first night with you. It had taken me two weeks to text you and ask you out, even with all of Niall's constant badgering. I'd settled on that nice Italian restaurant across from Central Park, even though I knew I would be living off Ramen Noodles for the rest of the month after paying the bill. I was just a resident after all, and up to my ears in student loans._

_I'd made the reservation, pressed my nicest dress shirt and tie, and had meticulously adjusted each of my curls in the mirror. Niall had quite the laugh watching me get ready- even made some comment about me getting ready for the prom. But I wanted to make it right. I'd never felt such an instant connection as I had with you, and I surely didn't want to mess it up- not again._

_When I pulled up at your house, I felt the back of my shirt drenching with sweat, and prayed that the cologne I had spritzed on was doing its job of hiding the obvious nervous wreck that I was. It was silly really, I could run a code, or work on a trauma with the perfect amount of calm- but sitting outside the apartment of a girl I wanted to impress- I was a mess._

_And then I saw you, beautiful as always, wearing that little black dress that was a mix of classy and sexy all at the same time. Your hair pulled off to one side in loose tendrils. You were like an angel,love- and yes I know that you hate that cheesy stuff._

_I got out and went to open the door for you, nearly tripping over the curb. I thought my hands might slip on the door they were so sweaty. But lucky for you they didn't, and in your eyes I hopefully looked like a smooth gentleman._

_I cleared my throat as I started the car, not being able to form a conversation because I had so much I wanted to say and yet so little at the same time. Lucky for me, you were a pool of endless conversation, in a good way. You immediately start talking about how you'd recently done an article about a doctor from New York who had just returned from six years with the Peace Corp, and how his training had assisted him with triage in a urban hospital. You asked me about whether I had any interest in doing something like that._

_I told you that it sounded amazing, but I'd never really thought of doing that before. Which was the truth-I hadn't. I hoped that the doctor you had interviewed hadn't raised your expectations of my profession too much. I wanted to impress you after all._

_When we pulled up to the restaurant, I couldn't help but be satisfied with my choice. It looked like the perfect mix of class and romance, and I hoped that you were as impressed with me as I was with myself. I helped you out of the car, and held out an arm for you and you linked your arm in mine. The feel our bodies connecting sent my heart racing- cliché I know, but true._

_"Reservation for Styles," I said as we approached the attendant, glancing over at you and catching a glimpse of your smile. You were so naturally radiant, and I couldn't help but think of how lucky I was to have you on my arm at that moment._

_"I'm sorry what was the name again?" the waiter asked._

_"Styles. Two for 7 pm. I called on Monday," I said matter-of-factly. I wanted you to see that I was on top of this whole planning thing._

_The waiter shuffled through his paper, then went off to check with a manager. That was the moment when I first realized that I might be in trouble. My face must have shown the first signs of fear, because you patted me on the arm and said "I'm sure they just got a little confused."_

_When the waiter came back and told us that they had indeed gotten a little confused and couldn't find my reservation, and that they were unfortunately booked solid for the night and couldn't accommodate us, I was worried that I had absolutely blown it. I barely even listened to the manager apologize and tell us that he could reserve us a new reservation for a different night, because that didn't solve the problem that I was having right now. And I doubted that after this whole escapade you would be willing to go on another date with me._

_As we left the restaurant, I apologized profusely. Swearing to you that I had most definitely made the reservation and that I was sorry that I had ruined the date._

_"Harry," you said in the most soothing voice I had ever heard. "You haven't ruined the date. We'll just find something else, it will be a little adventure."_

_And an adventure it was. We ended up getting some slices of pizza from the street vendor of Central Park. "This is the best pizza, I've ever tasted. That restaurant couldn't have beaten this," you said with a laugh as we sat on the bench. And I finally felt like maybe I hadn't totally blown this anyway._

_As we ate the pizza, we talked. I told you about England, about residency so far, and how I had feeling a bit homesick of late. You told me about your job, your horrible boss, and about the novel you have been trying to write but just couldn't seem to find the right words for._

_"I'm really glad that I ran into you again," I said, as we walked through Central Park. You had made a move, and slid your hand into mine- you've always been the leader of the relationship anyway. It felt familiar, like this was something we had done every day of our lives instead of just a few minutes._

_"I'm glad I ran into you too," you said with a smile. "And I'm glad that you finally had the balls to ask me out this time around." It's in that moment that I saw how mischievous you could be when you wanted to._

_"I'm hoping I haven't ruined this too much that I can ask you out for a second date?" I asked, as we stopped along the path. The sun had now set on the horizon, and the stars were beginning to peak out from the night sky._

_"Best date I've ever been on really," you said with a laugh. "So I guess I'd be okay with another one."_

_"Perfect," I said. My eyes met yours for a moment, the moonlight highlighting the your face. We both stayed quiet- the quietest you had been all night- and you bit your lip._

_I decided in that moment, I needed to take some initiative, reading the signs that I thought you were quite obviously giving me. I leaned in, and you followed, my lips meeting  yours. Our first kiss was perfect-warm, inviting, making my hands tingle just a little._

_I didn't think anything could ever live up to that kiss, and maybe nothing has. And in that moment I hoped that I would never have to kiss another person in my life, because as crazy as it sounds, that felt like what I had been searching for my whole life._

_All the Love,_

_H_


	6. Chapter 6

_Olivia,_

_We'd developed quite the habit of spending time together. Sometimes it was dinner at a restaurant, sometimes a cup of coffee in the morning before work, and sometimes it was just a night at your apartment, curled up watching Netflix. It felt so normal, so routine, and you were quickly becoming my favorite person to spend time with._

_In just a few short months you had become my new confidant. We'd spent nights out with your friends, you'd come over to Niall and I's apartment a_ _s we cheered on_ _Derby County in a football game, or soccer game as you liked to tell us. It was like second nature, you and me, and I didn't even think about anything other than the fact that I wanted things to be this way for years to come._

_It was one of those simple nights, the nights we spent an hour searching for an movie to watch on Netflix only to end up re-watching some romantic comedy we'd seen a million times before, when you brought it up._

_We were laying on your couch, me as the big spoon with you as the little one of course, your favorite blue fuzzy blanket surrounding us. Love Actually playing on the background. I should have known better than to be taken aback by your words. You were someone that was always speaking your mind, never afraid to be the one to break the silence or ask the tough questions._

_"What are we Harry?" you turned to lay on your back, looking up at me with those emerald eyes that could take my breath away._

_I didn't say anything for a moment. I guess I'd never really questioned what we were. Because in my mind you were my best friend, but also someone I cared deeply about. Of course the analytical part of my brain took over and I started to think about all the reasons why you could be asking this question._

_Asking a question about the definition of a relationship usually meant one of two things. Of course, I jump to the big one. Maybe you didn't want to be in an exclusive relationship. Maybe you just liked hanging out with me or having someone to fulfill all your...you know._

_Maybe I wasn't the only guy in your life. A girl as beautiful as you likely had multiple guys pursuing you. I mean it only took one night for me to be completely enamored by you. Maybe you wanted to establish that we weren't by any means exclusive, or worse yet, maybe you wanted to be exclusive with someone else._

_Perhaps I was about to be friend-zoned, although with the way things played out earlier that evening, I had a hard time believing you would give up that._

_Or perhaps you just didn't enjoy hanging out with me, and wanted to end things before they got to serious. That had happened to me before_ _\- a_ _girl running before that word "_ _commitments_ _" could be thrown around._

_The second option could be that perhaps you wanted me to say we were exclusive. That's probably what any rational person would assume this question was for. But you know me, I like to overthink things. Maybe you like me, considered this something more serious. In my mind I didn't need to define this relationship. It already was one to me- the realest one that I'd ever had._

_"Harry?" you asked again, pushing the single curl that always seemed to fall into my face back with your hand. I realized I had been spacing off, and that certainly wasn't sending the message I wanted to get across to you._

_"What do you want us to be?" I_ _asked_ _, not wanting to make any assumptions. I felt like everything had been going so wonderfully. Although we'd only truly gotten to know each other over the past two months, I felt like I had known you my entire life. You got me. You understood me. And I thought that most of the time, I got you pretty well too._

_"Gonna make me be the one to say it huh," you laughed, reaching up to entwine your fingers with my own._

_"Harry Styles, I'd like you to be my boyfriend."_

_I breathe_ _d_ _a sigh of relief. You weren't leaving me for another guy. You weren't sending me into that awful universe of the friend-zone and you most definitely weren't keeping us as friends-with-benefits._

_"Kinda thought I already was?" I said with a smirk that I knew drove you crazy._

_"Oh you just assumed did you?" you said, bringing yourself closer to me so that are bodies are now pressed against one another. I brought up a hand to cup your chin, looking into your eyes and scanning every inch of your face._

_"Olivia Scarlett Bennet," I said, drawing out my words so slowly I know that it is driving you crazy. That was one place in which we are complete opposites. I like to take my time to form sentences, so much time sometimes that you tell me you'd like to hear it this century. You on the other hand, can talk a mile a minute, so fast I can barely keep up._

_"I really like spending time with you, I really like talking to you, and I would very much like to refer to you as my girlfriend. Is that okay with you?" I asked._

_"Very," you said, bringing your lips to meet mine, wrapping your hands into the hair at the base of my neck._

_My girlfriend. It definitely had a nice ring to it._

_All the Love,_

_H_


	7. Chapter 7

_Olivia,_

_We became inseparable. Attached at the hip. Niall would tell me day in and day out that I was simply "whipped", that you had my wrapped around your little fingers and that I would do whatever it took to make you happy._

_He was partially right. I did want to make you happy. But more than that was the fact that spending time with you brought out the very best in me. And so it was no surprise when I found my connection to you growing exponentially faster than any relationship I had every been in before._

_It was a Friday evening. We were at your apartment, sitting side by side on your grey suede sofa, each enthralled in their own work, while enjoying the presence of other sitting just a foot away. I had to work on a research report for residency. You were hard at work on your novel._

_That novel. Our really more the idea of it. You had called me as you were getting off the subway on the way home from work earlier that week, excitement oozing from your voice. I thought that maybe you had gotten a promotion, got assigned an interesting new article, or perhaps your best friend Caroline had gotten engaged to her long-term boyfriend._

_But it was any of the above that had gotten you so excited that you needed to call me the minute you were back to having a cell phone connection. Nope, it was a novel. An idea for a novel. "It just came to me on the subway," you enthused. "This is the one, Harry, I just know it."_

_I glanced over at you, your hair in a knot on the top of your head, your brows furrowed in concentration. You had your bottom lip caught between your teeth, and I could tell that the only thing going on in your world in that moment was the creative juices you were using to try and compose your masterpiece._

_You looked so perfect. So focused. This was a view I wanted to hold in my mind for a very long time. A view I wanted to see every moment of every day. And I didn't mean to say it out loud, but like a slip on a patch of black ice, the words tumble_ _d_ _from my mouth before I can even think. (Must have been something about that couch and turning points in our relationship, huh?)_

_"God, I love you." It took me a minute to comprehend what I had just said. Not because I didn't mean it. Because let me tell you Olivia, truer words had never been spoken. I was in love with you. I had been falling in love with you ever since we first met in the bar all those years ago. I had been falling in love with you since the first date that we spent strolling around Central Park with pizza in hand after our dinner reservations had went amuck. I was so totally in love with you, and I wasn't afraid to tell you it._

_But I hadn't quite pictured my first time saying those three words, those eight letters, in a setting like this. Certainly not when you were off in your own little world, typing furiously at your computer._

_"What?" you said, turning your attention away from your computer to my face. I think part of me had hoped that you hadn't heard my stumble. Or that maybe I hadn't actually verbalized the words like I thought. I think you might have been just as shocked as I was to hear those words leave my mouth._

_I glanced down at my hands, suddenly feeling a little shy. You placed your hands in mine, and I felt the heat radiant from your quick typing movements. I had one of two choices. I could choose to apologize for my slip of the tongue, or I could embrace it fully. It wasn't like I didn't mean it._

_"I said I love you Olivia," I looked back up to watch your face for a reaction. Your face began to form a smile, lighting up your eyes like fireworks. You brought a hand up to the side of my face, brushing against the small amount of stubble that had begun to form there._

_You just looked at me for a moment, and I felt my heart begin to race as your eyes raked over my face. I think you liked to torture me, you loved the silence. Me, however, I've always thought_ _'comfortable'_ _silence was a bit overrated. Quiet made me unsettled._

_"I love you Harry," you said, and I felt instant relief course through my body. You leaned in so that our faces were only inches from one another. I felt the heat of your breath on my skin, sending goosebumps down my arms. "I love you more than I love writing."_

_I touched my nose to yours, "Wow I feel so blessed."_

_"You better. That's kind of a big deal," you said with a smile before leaning in and brushing your lips against mine. The kiss was soft and sweet._

_I pushed a strand of hair behind your ear, gazing at you again. I was in awe of your beauty. Your ability to look so indescribable in the most casual of settings. You had my heart. And I couldn't have asked for a better person to have fallen for._

_"I really have to finish this chapter though," you laughed, pulling away again before I had another chance to taste your lips on my own. I shook my head slowly, as you began typing again, your face back in concentration with your lip sandwiched once again between your teeth._

_But that's why I loved you. Because how could I not be in love with someone like that._

_All the love,_

_H_


	8. Chapter 8

_Olivia,_

_Although you'd talked about your family enough I felt like I already knew them, the idea that I would be meeting them was completely nerve-wracking. It wasn't that I didn't think they would like me, because I'd like to think I'm a pretty likeable guy. I was sure they'd like me enough as a person, but as their daughter's boyfriend? Well, that I wasn't so sure._

_I'd never really celebrated the holidays much since moving to the US. I'd flown home for Christmas a few times here and there, but as my residency schedule had gotten more and more hectic, Facetiming my mother on Christmas morning had become the extent of my holiday traditions._

_And Thanksgiving? Well, that's a purely American holiday you know. I'd never experienced a thanksgiving dinner in the traditional sense up until this point. But that was about to change._

_"Are you ready?" you said, as you reached your hand to clasp it with mine as we drug our suitcases behind us on the shiny airport floor._

_"As ready as I'll ever be," I offered a reassuring smile. You saw right through me._

_"Don't be nervous Harry. They are going to love you, honestly. Just be yourself okay?"_

_"Okay," I said giving your hand a little squeeze before we walked out the doors of the airport to find your parents._

_"Olivia!" I heard a voice exclaim, and we glanced over to see a woman who I could only assume was your mother. You rushed over to her and she immediately enveloped you in a warm embrace._

_You had always told me how important your family was to you. You were a tight-knit household, and living halfway across the country from your family took its toll on you from time to time. I think that's why I was so nervous to meet your family in the first place, because I knew that they were one of the most important pieces of your life. If they didn't approve of me, you wouldn't pick me over them._

_"Mom, this is Harry," you said, pulling me over towards your mother._

_"Oh, Harry it's so nice to finally meet you! We've heard so much about you," she pulls me into a hug as well, as if she's known me for years. It's then that I finally feel a wave of relief wash over me. Your mother seemed so welcoming, it was hard to imagine this trip could go awry._

_"It's nice to meet you too Mrs. Bennett," I said with a smile after your mother finally let me go from her grasp._

_"Oh, don't you Mrs. Bennett me," she said with a wave of her hand. "Call me Amy."_

_You glanced up at me and give me a smile of approval._

_"Well, we better not keep your father waiting in the car," your mother said. And with that we grabbed our bags and made our way out of the airport._

_Your father greeted me with a firm handshake and a polite smile. I could tell he was watching my every move and analyzing my every word, but I suppose that is what fathers are supposed to do._

_You'd told me there had only ever been two previous boyfriends who had met your parents. On one hand, this made for low competition, I knew our relationship was far stronger than any of your ex's. But on the other hand, this meant that this wasn't something that your family took lightly, which was obvious by the way your father kept looking back at me through the rear view mirror during the drive from the airport to your house._

_"So Harry, Olivia tells us you are a resident in the ER?" your father asked from his perch at the head of the dining table._

_"That is correct sir," I replied with a nod._

_"Probably keeps you pretty busy, that's definitely not a 9-5 job now is it?" your father continues. I could see where this was going and it wasn't necessarily good._

_"It does keep me busy, yes. But I think it just forces me to prioritize the important things in my life," I paused glancing over at you and entwining my hand with yours under the table. "Like this one." I smiled._

_Your mom's faced formed into a smile. Your dad gave me a nod that might have signaled that he approved of his answer. I couldn't be quite sure._

_The night continue_ _d_ _smoothly. Your mother is one of the sweetest people I'd ever met. Your father grows less and less intimidating as the night goes on. I began to think of how nice this was, this family that you had. It wasn't anything like my family. My family could barely stand to be in the same room together without an argument. This was different. Your family was what I'd always imagined a family to be. Full of laughs and love and support. It was the family I had wanted for so long. And maybe it could be mine, in the future._

_Later that night, when your parents had went to bed and you snuck into the guest bedroom to spend some time with me, you rested your head against my chest as I ran my fingers through your hair._

_"They like you," you smiled, gazing up at me._

_"Are you sure? Your dad seemed a little intimidating," I responded. You laughed._

_"That's just my dad. He acts all tough and scary, but trust me, he just wants to protect his little girl," you twirled one of the curls on the top of my head with your fingertips._

_"Really?" I asked._

_"I'm positive," you readjusted yourself to set your chin on my chest. "Besides, if he didn't like you, he would have kicked you out by now."_

_I_ _rolled_ _l my eyes at your attempt at sarcasm. "They love you Harry. Almost as much as I love you." You_ _brought_ _your lips to mine. They were soft, warm and reassuring._

_"And I love you," I replied, planting another kiss on your lips._

_"Well, I better get back to my room, don't want to you to fall out of my parents' good graces after today."_

_I groaned. I wanted to spend more time with you. But I also didn't want to piss of_ _f_ _your parents._

_"Thanks for bringing me with," I said, as you approached the door._

_"Of course, Harry." you replied before leaving me alone for the night._

_As I laid in bed that night, I thought about how nice it would be if one day they were my family too, if our kids grew up with a family like yours. I imagine that I might even resemble your father one day, protecting our little girl._

_Spending time with your family had made me fall even more in love with you, if that was possible. It made me picture the future I could had. The future that I wanted- with you._

_All the love,_

_H_


	9. Chapter 9

_Olivia,_

_Well, all honeymoon phases must come to end, even in the best of relationships, and unfortunately for us, that plunge back to reality took its toll._

_They say that everything is going well until it suddenly isn't, and that was certainly the case for us. It started out as small frustrations. Me having to cancel plans on us because I was called in for a trauma. You focusing on your novel to the point where you swore you couldn't spend a second away lest you lose your train of thought._

_And those things-those little things, weren't the problem at all. But it was the meaning behind them-the bigger picture that ultimately led to our downfall._

_Every since your best friend Courtney had gotten engaged you had been dropping hints. A comment on how exciting it was that they were moving on to the next chapter, a tab on your laptop left open on your Pinterest wedding board, even the signature_ _'_ _I caught the bouquet at the wedding so it's mine turn next_ _'._

_I loved you Olivia, I really did. But getting married? Well that was something I had never planned on doing. I thought we'd discussed it. I'd thought you'd understood that even though I didn't want some eloquent ceremony, that didn't mean I didn't want a life with you. I just wanted a life with you without all the labels._

_In my time with you I'd learned many things, with one of the most important things being that if you had something in your head, even if you tried to hold it in, sooner or later something would trigger you into saying it out loud. And unfortunately for me, this trigger came in the form of a wedding invitation, the wedding invitation of yet another college friend._

_"What's that?" I asked, as I walked through the front door of your apartment. You were leaning over the counter, a scowl firmly planted on your lips._

_I c_ _ame_ _around behind you and_ _wrapped_ _my arms around your waist, planting a kiss on the top of your head. Looking over your shoulder I_ _spotted_ _the white stationary. It was a wedding invite that had caught your eye._

_"Another wedding invitation. Natalie, my friend from college," you said slowly, and I could tell there was still some disbelief in your voice._

_"Well, that's exciting." I said. I was met, however, with silence. Apparently it was not a moment of excitement._

_"Okay we aren't excited then?" I walked over to your cupboard and grabbed a glass, filling it with water in the sink._

_"Not much to be excited about when your friends are getting married right and left and your boyfriend doesn't believe in marriage now is there," you snapped. And there it was, your true feelings about where our relationship was headed, or_ _rather, where it_ _wasn't._

_"Olivia..." I began, but your words had already begun to explode from your mouth._

_"Do you know how long Natalie has been with her boyfriend?" you picked up the invitation from the table and aimed it at me, using it as the weapon to my demise. "Less than a year. They've barely even been together and they know they want to spend the rest of their lives together."_

_"Liv, I've told you, just because I don't want the title doesn't mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you. I do, it's just..."_

_"It's just what Harry?" your voice escalated. "Oh, right it's just that you don't want to marry me." And there it was. Out there in the open. I knew that our previous discussion hadn't satisfied you. I suspected that perhaps you had thought I would change my mind, and that's why you had accepted my answer without argument. But in this moment, your patience had run thin, and your true opinion on the matter was about to be spoken._

_"Olivia, that's not....it's more complicated than that," I ran my hand through my hair as I walked towards you reaching out to grab your hand._

_You pulled away. "Because the idea of commitment is so complicated," you rolled your eyes._

_"Olivia, I'm 100 percent committed to you, you know that," I tried to explain. You don't take my answer._

_"But what do I have to prove that Harry? Your words? How would I even know?" you yelled._

_"I love you, Olivia. Do those three words mean nothing to you?"the tension began to rise in my voice as well._

_"Of course they mean something to me Harry," you screamed throwing your hands up into the air. "You use my words and twist them into making it seem like I'm the one that's holding us back. Well, guess what Harry, the one holding us back is you and the fact that you think just because your parents marriage didn't_ _work_ _everyone else_ _'s_ _is doomed_ _too_ _."_

_I stared at you, at a loss for words. I couldn't believe you'd brought that up. You knew how vulnerable I had been in sharing that. You knew my insecurities about failing in love. You had targeted my biggest weakness, and boy did those words sting._

_"I can't believe you said that," I muttered under my breath._

_"Well you aren't denying it now are you," you responded with a raised eyebrow._

_"What do you want me to say, huh? What answer will please you? Because apparently no matter what I say you don't seem to understand. I don't want to get married-to you, to anyone!"_

_This time you_ _were_ _the one that_ _fell_ _silent. Realizing that the words that just left my mouth were less than ideal, and that things were likely going to get uglier before they got better, I decided to remove myself from the situation- before one of us said something we really regretted._

_"I'm going to go," I said, making my way towards the door. You looked at me in a way you never had before as I made my way out that night. It was a look of pain, a look of disappointment, and a small hint of disgust. There are moments I wish I could take back in my life, but none of those moments come close to that night._

_It was three days before we talked again. You sent me a text after work one evening that simply said 'We need to talk'. I knew I had an apology to make, and I was ready to make it._

_My heart was beating faster than usual when I knocked on your door that evening. I think it was because I was so scared of what I might face when you opened it up. I didn't want to see the face I had seen three nights earlier. I wanted my Olivia back, and I wanted us to move past this feud, together._

_Your face when you opened the door, however, was red and puffy. You'd been crying, and there was no hiding that. My gut clenched._

_"Come in," you said, opening the door and then leading me to our usual spot on your sofa. I wanted to pull you into my arms, but instead we end up facing each other, your arms crossed across your chest._

_"Liv," i began, my voice unsteady. "I'm so sorry about the other night, I shouldn't have lost my temper like that. It's just, it's so hard for me to explain that to you. I love you Liv, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you I do. I'm just, not ready to be married. Not now, and maybe not ever. But that doesn't mean I love you any less."_

_I scanned your face for any signs of relief or forgiveness. Instead, I watched as your eyes filled with tears, a few escaping to flow down your cheeks._

_"Harry, I..." you tried to blurt out but instead there was an outpouring of sobs. I instinctively scooted closer and wrapped my arms around you, pulling you into my chest._

_"I love you Harry, I do. I just..." your sobs break out again, I rubbed my hand against your back in comfort._

_"I've been thinking about us a lot the past few days. I've been thinking about what you've told me, and what I want...and Harry we don't match up," you brought a hand up to wipe your cheek. "You say that your not ready to be married, that you don't know if that's ever something you want, and I get that Harry I do. I don't blame you for that," you looked up at me and I could tell you were struggling to keep your composure._

_"But, marriage is something I want. And I don't think I can spend the next however many years of my life wondering if I will ever get that with you."_

_And there it was. The nail in my coffin, the center of my universe shattering into a million pieces. I'd never pictured life without you, because ever since we'd been together I knew you were it. You were my one and only, my soulmate, my other half. And now, well now that was all in question._

_"Tell me I'm wrong," you begged, tears beginning again. I felt my own eyes begin to water._

_I didnt want to say it. I so desperately wanted to go against every bone in my body, every belief I had ever had-but I couldn't. "You aren't wrong," I said softly._

_With that you broke down into sobs again, burying your face in my chest until my T-shirt was soaked with your tears. My eyes too began to shed liquid, my heart feeling like it had been torn from my chest._

_We stayed like that for a long time. In each other's arms, mourning for the thing that we were about to lose. "I'm sorry I couldn't be that person for you," I whispered._

_"I'm sorry too," you responded. When we finally had the strength to bring ourselves apart, I stared at you for a moment. My last glance at you. The woman I loved. I knew even then that I could never unlove you. A part of me would always belong to you, no matter how hard I tried to relinquish it from your grasp._

_"I don't think we should see each other. It will hurt too much," you added. I nodded._

_"I guess sometimes love isn't enough is it," I said_ _slowly. When we were at our happiest point, I had believed that love could truly conquer all, but apparently it couldn't._

_"Life complicates love, and sometimes that's too much to overcome. Don't give up on it though," you gazed up at me planting one farewell kiss on my lips._

_That kiss haunted me for years. The pain of it lingered whenever your face came to my mind. I'd lost the one thing in the world that really meant something to me, and I thought I was too damaged to recover._

_That loss. Losing you, it changed me. And I wasn't sure that I could ever be the same after._

_All the love,_   
_H_


	10. Chapter 10

_Olivia,_

_The first six months were the hardest. Being without you was like having a piece of me torn away. I didn't know how to function, and I most certainly didn't know how to fill the void that was ever present in my heart._

_I devoted myself_ _to_ _my work. I picked up extra shifts at the hospital. I worked on research and grant proposals in my spare time. And for the longest time, that's all I did. Because I was heartbroken and remorseful and felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life. And I had. Losing you was the biggest mistake of my life._

_Eventually, I chose to find an alternate form of a coping mechanism for what I was missing. I blame it on Niall's bad influence, as I went from having absolutely no social life to being hammered on the weekends._

_The first time it happened was a blur. Niall directed me towards a cute girl at the bar, we danced, and then I woke up with a head of chocolate brown hair next to me in the morning. It was like it had been so many mornings before, except this time- that chocolate brown hair did not belong to you._

_At first I was angry at myself. I was hurt that I could possibly think about being with someone else. I couldn't have my heart broken again, and I certainly didn't believe I would be capable of loving another person. Not in the way that I loved you._

_But when it happened a second time I realized that this was exactly what the doctor ordered. I felt wanted again. I felt needed. And I felt that maybe for once I wasn't so lonely. It was the perfect remedy really. No strings attached, no numbers exchanged, a simple one-night stand that gave me that feeling of numbness without any of the consequences of falling in love._

_I knew you wouldn't approve of this. This wasn't the Harry that you had fallen in love with. This wasn't the Harry that you knew. And I think that is what made it even more satisfying. Knowing how angry this would have made you if you knew about it. How disappointed you would be. It was my revenge on you for breaking my heart. And it felt good._

_I typically avoided coffee shops after our breakup. Coffee shops had always been your place of refuge. A place were you could write for hours as if inspiration wafted through the air alongside the coffee aroma. We'd spent many Sunday afternoons in coffee shops around New York City, and so I guess I avoided them because they reminded me of you. They reminded me of us._

_When our new Emergency Medicine physician suggested we meet at the Aroma coffee shop to get to know each other before he started, I couldn't exactly say no. I wanted to suggest something else- a sports bar, a nice café, but I obliged. It had been nearly a year since we had last been in contact, and I figured eventually, I was going to have to confront the ghosts lingering in my closet, or in this case in coffee shops._

_"Dr. Tomlinson, it is so nice to meet you," I offered a firm handshake to my new colleague as he took a seat at the table across from me._

_"You as well, Dr. Styles," he replied. We soon fell into a pleasant conversation about the hospital, medical school and Dr. Tomlinson's previous job at Mayo. It was nice to have a chat with someone new, and I was thankful that I had chosen to come to this coffee shop after all, the dark roast was absolutely delicious._

_"Grande Sugar-free Vanilla latte, half almond milk half-skim with 3 shots of expresso, and 2 pumps of caramel, lightly steamed," the barista announced. I'd barely have even heard it if it wasn't for the my stopping my conversation to take a sip of my own steaming beverage._

_But that coffee order. I'd only ever heard one person with as complex a coffee order as that. And that was you. And I knew that when I turned around in my chair to look towards the counter, I would most certainly catch sight of you. I was right._

_There you were. Hair pulled up in a messy top knot at the crown of your head, a grey cable-knit sweater draped across your shoulders. My breath hitched for a moment, because I'd forgotten just how beautiful you are._

_"So Harry, do you have a family here?" my head is snapped back to Dr. Tomlinson and my momentary bliss at the sight of you retreats back into a dull ache from the left side of my chest. Couldn't exactly say that the girl who just picked up her coffee should have been my family but I messed it up now could I?_

_"I don't_ _,_ _no," I replied. "Just keep busy with work. You?" I picked up my coffee and took another sip, fighting the urge to locate you in the coffee shop. If there was one thing we had been clear about when we broke things off, it had been that we were going to keep a distance from each other. It was the only way we thought we could fully heal._

_"I have my lovely wife, Jennifer, and a daughter, she just turned two," Louis smiled._

_"Sounds lovely," I_ _responded_ _, my mind far too distracted to come up with an appropriate response. We continued the conversation for a bit, but soon Dr. Tomlinson h_ _ad_ _to head to his shift at the hospital. We stood and exchanged a handshake before he heads out the door. I decided to grab a coffee to-go._

_"Can I have another tall dark-roast to-go please?" I tell the barista._

_"Harry?" I heard your voice from behind me. You'd finally spotted me. I turned around and there you were, seated at a table near the window, your laptop wide open. And there's a guy across the table from you._

_"Olivia," I smiled, "It's good to see you."_

_"You as well," you said back, you brought a hand to brush fidget with the hair atop your head, and I know its your way of trying to combat the awkwardness of the situation._

_"How are you?" I asked, trying my best to be polite as I waited for the barista to give me my coffee. W_ _hic_ _h was taking far longer than usual in this situation._

_"I'm good, ya I'm good," you said slowly. You then glanced over at your tablemate, as if suddenly realizing that we weren't alone in this coffee shop. "Oh how rude of me, I forgot to introduce you! Harry, this is Liam," Liam rises from his chair and reaches over to offer me a handshake._

_"Nice to meet you," I gave a polite nod._

_"Harry is a...," you paused as if you weren't sure how to finish the sentence. "An old friend of mine." Liam offered me a polite smile. At this point I knew he was definitely a date, at least a date if not more. As if you could read my mind you add. "Liam is an English professor at NYU, we met when at a writing seminar there."_

_"And I guess you could stay the sparks flew," Liam add_ _ed_ _with a chuckle, reaching his hand over to cover yours. The gesture was like a stab to the chest._

_"Here's your coffee sir," the barista finally handed me the cup and I thanked her with a nod._

_"Well, I have to work the night shift, need to get a nap in. It was nice to see you Olivia, and to meet you Liam."_

_"Likewise," Liam responded with a smile. You just nodded your head and with that I headed out the door of the coffee shop._

_My mind instantly started to race. Seeing you had been like seeing a ghost. You were visible but couldn't be touched, almost as if you were a figment of my own imagination. Had you been feeling the same discomfort and longing at the sight of me as I had you? Of course not, you and Liam looked happy. He looked at you with adoration, the way I imagine I used to look at you during every minute of the day._

_I wondered if he had committed to you in the way that I hadn't. In the way that I should have and would have, if I could have done it all over again. I wondered if you were happy. Happy with this ordinary NYU English professor. I wondered if you were happier with him than you were with me. Happier with someone that had a mind that wasn't all logic and reasoning, that could appeal to your creative side in a way that I never could._

_I wondered if he loved you, if he loved you like I did. If he loved you so hard he thought he couldn't possibly have anymore love to spare. If he loved you so hard that the loss of you would destroy him like it had me._

_But he couldn't possibly love you that much, because I couldn't imagine anyone loving you like I did._

_The wondering didn't matter though, because there was no way to go back in time. You were no longer mine, and I was no longer yours, and that was just the way it was._

_All the love,_

_H_


	11. Chapter 11

_Olivia,_

_I've always hated flying. You'd always make fun of me for it, considering I'd chosen to live in a place that required me to fly home to my family whenever I wanted to visit. But it wasn't the flying itself that bothered me. It was the waiting. The crowded airport terminals, the never-ending security lines, the unpredictability of flight times._

_I especially hated flying in the winter. But when the hospital sent me to an Emergency medicine conference in Chicago in early November, I couldn't turn it down. Even if it did mean flying through both JFK and Chicago O'Hare._

_And so winter is what had led me to a hard, metal chair in the corner of the Chicago O'Hare Terminal 1 after a flight delay, followed by a flight cancellation. I was now awaiting my rescheduled flight, which with even a tiny bit of Niall's Irish luck would actually depart for New York._

_I was so exhausted from the weekend of lectures and networking, that I was almost sure I had fallen asleep in the airport and was actively dreaming up your familiar face from across the gate waiting area. You were sitting with your feet across two seats, laptop in that familiar space on your lap, focused on your screen. Your uncanny ability to write at any time and place blew my mind._

_I caught myself staring. I shifted my gaze away and tried to concentrate back on my phone. It couldn't be you. It couldn't possibly be. And even if it was you it's not like it was appropriate for me to go and say anything-you were with that English professor, Liam._

_I pushed the thought aside and patiently awaited the announcement for the flight. By some miracle, the weather did clear up enough for the flight to take off and before I knew it the announcement was coming across the loudspeaker._

_My job had its perks, and one of those happened to be early boarding. It something I had never really considered being a perk, until the first time I boarded a plane without having to fight the thwarts of passengers for space in the overhead compartments._

_"If you have priority boarding you may now approach the gate," the stewardess called. I pulled up my suitcase and made my way towards the entrance. I wanted to turn my head to catch a glimpse of the person I thought was you, but I resisted the urge. It was better that way, because once you got in my head it became an endless cycle of what could have been._

_I take my seat near the window, throwing in my headphones and staring out at the tarmac. The snow was still falling softly, the tiny particles swirling in the air._

_I barely even heard movement as the general public boarded the plane, as I had drifted off into my own little world. It wasn't until I felt someone take a seat next to me that I turned to see who I would be sharing the journey with for the next few hours._

_My breath caught when my face met yours. Your eyes showing the same wide eyed amazement that I'm sure mine were. You hadn't been a figment of my imagination after all._

_"Hi," I said awkwardly._

_"Hey," you smiled back. For someone who always had seemed to have a lot to say, you were particularly quiet._

_I scanned the rest of the plane, wondering if I'd catch a glimpse of your English professor boyfriend. I glanced down at your left hand but see no signs of a ring. I have to admit I was a bit surprised, considering how big of a deal that had been to you during our relationship._

_I didn't want to say anything. I wanted nothing more than to spend a few hours with you, even if that was all. Even if once we landed you left my life again. But I also knew that if I spent the next few hours next to you, on this plane, that all the feelings I'd been suppressing for so long might come rushing back. And I'd be once again devastated when you were gone._

_"If this is going to be uncomfortable for you, I'm sure I can find someone to switch me seats," I stated. I surely didn't want to make anything more awkward than it already was, and I definitely didn't want to be that ex that was causing issues in a new relationship._

_"No it's fine Harry," you placed your hand on my arm in protest. "It will be nice to catch up for a bit." My eyes become locked on yours and all I can focus on is you. It's like I'm seeing you again for the first time._

_"What are you doing in Chicago?" you suddenly asked after what seemed like an eternity._

_"Medical conference," I shrugged, readjusting my positioning in the seat. "I was supposed to be on a flight early this morning but with this weather it's been all cancellations and delays."_

_"Gotta love a Midwestern winter," you laughed._

_"What about you? Visiting home?" I asked._

_"Actually, yes. Lindsey got married this weekend," you replied with a far off tone in your voice. Lindsey was your younger sister and I knew although you would never admit it out loud, you had always pictured yourself to be the first in the family to get married. It had likely only instilled an even greater sense of urgency to "get your life on course" as you always used to say._

_"Wow," is all I could muster up as a reply. "Your English Professor wasn't available to make the trip?" I spilled out. In hindsight it probably wasn't the best thing to say, but it was killing me inside not knowing._

_"Liam?" you asked, a flicker of recognition crossing your face from the last time we had a chance encounter._

_I nodded._

_"We broke up a while ago actually. Just wasn't the perfect fit I guess." Your face showed the disappointment hidden behind your words. But I didn't press further. I really didn't want to know the intimate details of what made your relationship end._

_I don't want to say that the idea that you might be single again made me excited-because I knew better then to think that I would get another shot. I did, however, get a flash of hope that maybe I could get a few hours with you like the old days. Back when we were each other's centers of the universe._

_"And how bout you?" you inquired, a smile formed across your face. "Is there a lucky lady in your life?"_

_A lucky lady? I nearly laughed out loud. There was no lady, not in the sense that you were thinking. I'd mildly improved my bad habit of going home with a new girl every weekend over the past six months. Some might say I was dating, if you counted the nurse I frequently slipped into hospital on call rooms a date. But the truth was even though we'd been broken up for nearly two years, a part of me was still stuck on you._

_I give the easy answer. The one you would approve of. "Nope," I said with a sigh. I swear I saw relief pass over your face._

_"Are you still working at the hospital?" you asked, no doubt trying to make small talk. It was crazy to me that someone who had once known more about me than I knew myself had now become such a stranger._

_"I am, yes. But I'm not a resident anymore so that's a bit of a change. A good one." You smiled as you nodded. I realized it was my turn to ask the question._

_"And you? Are you still working as a journalist? Or have you went full-time working on your novel?"_

_"A bit of both actually. I'm working on my novel but doing some freelance journalism as well, gotta keep the money flowing in somehow."_

_"One day you will have that New York Times Best-Seller, I know it," I reassured. It was a phrase that echoed what I used to tell you on nights when you were particularly frustrated with your job, or your writer's block._

_We spent a good majority of the flight catching up, and it felt good, it felt normal._ _Ever since we had broken up, I had felt like a part of me was missing. Sitting on that plane, talking and laughing, I knew for certain that the thing that was missing from me was you. You were the only thing that could fill that void._

_"I've missed you,"_ _you blurted out shortly after the stewardess announced we would be arriving in roughly 30 minutes. I think my jaw may have dropped from shock, because I didn't think you could possibly miss me like I had missed you._

_"I've missed you too," I responded, looking over at you with a smile. "_ _We were good together you know,"_ _I added. Maybe that was a bold statement, because if we were truly that good together we would never have broken up in the first place._

_"We were," you said softly, your gaze drifting off into the distance. I wondered if your mind, like mine, had brought you to a moment in our past, one of the countless memories of happiness. Or perhaps you were reminded of all the reasons we weren't good together, and the failures that had led to the destruction of our once unshakable relationship._

_As the flight landed I was brought back to reality. Soon we would part ways and I would return to my life and you to yours. We would once again be just two of the millions of people living in New York City. Pieces of each other's pasts._

_When we land you surprise me by wrapping your arms around me in a hug. It's warm and familiar and your fragrance brings me back to many a night with you curled in my arms. "It was good to see you," you said, before reaching in the overhead compartment to grab your suitcase._

_"You as well," I smiled, glancing over you one last time before you would become a ghost of my past once again._

_"Don't be a stranger okay?" you raised your eyebrows at me._

_"Okay," I replied. And like so many times before I found the stars to have once again aligned, bringing the two of us together once again. Even then I knew, there was a reason for all this-there had to be._

_All the love,_

_H_


	12. Chapter 12

_Olivia,_

_Following our fateful encounter on the plane, we both decided to be less of strangers in each other's lives. We texted back and forth near daily and spent hours on the phone._

_Even Niall, not the most observant of fellows, noticed a change in my demeanor. I think it's because I finally felt like something was going right in my life again. I couldn't say anything though. It wasn't like we were together again. We were friends perhaps, enjoying having someone to talk to, but I knew that it wasn't going to go anywhere._

_It wasn't that I didn't want it to. There is nothing I wanted more than to get a second chance at our relationship. But you were always so strong and you knew what you wanted. I knew better than to get my hopes up that you might change your mind._

_It took me by surprise when you asked me to come over one Friday night. I wasn't expecting much, perhaps just a friendly gathering between friends. I wasn't expecting you to add that we needed to discuss some things._

_The last time that we had a discussion, you left my life. I would be lying if I didn't admit that this repeated phrase didn't provoke bad memories and dread. So I tried to prepare myself the best that I could._

_I figured you had likely discovered that this whole being friends thing wasn't going to work out, that there was no way for us to remain acquaintances without getting our complicated past involved. I figured that the fog lingering from our miraculous run in had drifted away, and once again revealing my many faults. I prepared myself to leave your apartment that night without you as a part of my life once again._

_I knocked on your apartment door that evening, my palms covered in sweat. You opened up the door just as you had a million times before, but this time it didn't feel quite as familiar. So much time had passed since I'd last stepped foot in this place, it almost seemed like a different era._

_As we took a seat on the couch, I decided that I needed to say something. I didn't want to sit and have a nice conversation only to be blindsided by the likely conversation about how this couldn't go on any longer. If that's what you had brought me here for, I wanted to know right away._

_"Listen, Olivia," I began, And you looked at me with surprise. There may have even been a hint of nervousness behind your eyes, probably because I had never been one to begin the tough conversations in the past._

_"The truth is, I've never really gotten over you. I've tried, I've tried so hard to move on and start again, but the fact of it is I can't. A part of me has never stopped loving you, and I don't think it ever will," I readjusted myself on the couch, trying to conceal the fact that my heart racing._

_"Liv, since I saw you again on that plane, I feel like I've been in a good place again, life feels right. And these past few weeks, talking to you again- well it's quite honestly been like a dream," I paused taking in a deep breath._

_"I know that in the past, we didn't work out. And I don't know if that's changed and so if you brought me hear tonight to tell me that we should cut ties again, that's fine, but just please tell me? I can't get my hopes up to have you in my life again." I glanced over at you. You were smiling._

_A smile? That was certainly not the response I was expecting. It was almost a smile of amusement, perhaps because after all this time I had been willing to put it out on the line for you._

_"Oh, Harry" you shook your head as you gave a little laugh. You reached over and brought your hand to mine, grasping it with your warm touch._

_"Over the past year or so, I've been able to reflect, and well obviously you have to," you smiled and I felt my cheeks growing red. "I have always preached that life isn't something you can plan for, or control. I've always believed in fate, and that I should just trust that what's happening to me is what's meant to happen."_

_I nodded. All this was true, it was one of the many things that had brought us together, opposites attracting and all. But it had also been a point of frustration for me numerous times throughout our relationship, as I, a planner could never fully understand your free-spirited ways._

_You continued. "Somewhere along the line, I let go of that belief. I started to dwell on the way that I thought my life should end up, based on the direction the lives of those surrounding me were going. I stopped trusting in fate, and I lost you."_

_You glanced down at your hand in mine, rubbing your thumb against the back of my hand. "Over the past year and a half, I did find love again. But what I learned was that love comes in many forms. I loved Liam, I did. But that love was nothing compared to the love that we had Harry, the chemistry, the understanding, the challenges. Our love was a once in a lifetime love, and I realized that Liam, as great as he was, just wasn't the person I was meant to be with."_

_You sighed, looking up into my eyes. For the first time that night, I wasn't nervous anymore. I felt at peace, like maybe some of your "fate" had brushed onto me._

_"It's no accident that your flight got delayed so that you would end up on the plane next to me. Life brought us back together for a reason Harry, and I think that maybe we should act on it. You don't get too many second chances after all."_

_"You aren't worried it will end the same way? We are still the same people after all," I questioned. I think the question was more a fear of my own than yours. A year without you had changed me, sure. But I wasn't convinced that we could suddenly make our lives work together when that was the reason we broke apart in the first place._

_"Maybe it will work. Maybe it won't. But I've decided that I'm not going to not try. We would be foolish not to give this love a second chance."_

_With that I leaned in and placed my hand behind your neck, pulling your lips to my own as we joined in a familiar but passionate kiss._

_You'd always held a strong belief that what is meant to happen will always find a way. Like the sun will rise again each morning, or a calm will come after a storm, you and I would eventually find our way back to each other. And we finally had._

_All the love,_

_H_


	13. Chapter 13

_Olivia,_

_It was crazy how quickly we fell back in love, although to be honest I don't think I ever truly fell out of it._

_It was Christmas Eve, and we were spending it at my apartment, just the two of us. Christmas had always been your favorite time of the year, and although my apartment had gone undecorated the year before, you had insisted we pull out all the stops._

_We'd headed to the closest thing to a tree farm you could find in Manhattan, and selected a small but beautiful pine for my living room. You'd helped me decorate it of course, and now we sat by the fire, gazing at the glistening fairly lights and shining ornaments._

_You'd said you wanted this to be a Christmas to remember. It was after all, symbolic of the new start to our relationship. Our second chance, our little miracle. I had a miracle of my own up my sleeve. And I knew that this miracle, would be one that we remembered for the rest of our lives-well, assuming everything went as planned._

_The past few weeks, I'd been pondering the decision. I'd taken into consideration everything we had been through, every relationship I'd encountered and every doubt I'd ever had._

_Everything came back to you though. The love that I had for you was stronger than anything I'd ever experienced, our time apart had proven that to me. I'd decided that what good was love if you didn't make sacrifices. That's what a relationship was after all, a constant state of giving and taking, putting the needs of someone else above your own._

_I'd lost you once before. And I wasn't about to lose you again for the same reason. This time I was not afraid to take the next step, because I had learned from our time apart that life with you was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I never wanted to be without you again._

_That's what I reiterated to myself as I told you that I had an early Christmas present for you that night._

_Your eyes lit up with surprise. "But I thought we were exchanging gifts tomorrow, I didn't bring yours with me tonight."_

_I chuckled a little, having anticipated that this was just how you would react. "It's fine, love. Just got something a little extra for you."_

_I watched as you eyes glimmered with suspicion, then I brought out the small red box with a gold bow and set it in your hands. You examined it slowly. I knew your mind was running through all the things that could possibly be inside of this small box. I also knew that you were trying to talk yourself out of the one thing you hoped it would be, but knew it wouldn't. I suppose I was quite cruel wasn't I, wrapping my gift in a way that made it seem far too obvious?_

_"Go ahead and open it," I smiled, and watched as you began to unwrap the paper, then gasping when it revealed a small black velvet box._

_"It's not..." you mumbled to yourself, but then gasped again as you opened it, revealing the diamond ring I had picked out inside. I got down on one knee in front of the Christmas tree._

_"Olivia Scarlett Bennett, I learned a lot during our time apart. And one of those lessons was how important it is to show someone you love them when you have them. Love is about compromise and sacrifice, but most of all, its about doing anything to make sure that you keep your love going strong. I don't want to ever go without you again Olivia. I'm serious about making us work, because you are most definitely my one and only," I took a deep breath. "So Olivia, would you please marry me?"_

_You looked at me, stunned and I swear I saw your eyes get a tad bit glossy. Then you started vigorously nodding. "Yes, yes, of course yes."_

_You leaned into kiss me, and I felt the sparks all over again. All those years of knowing you existed but weren't part of my life, all the time we spent together like two young kids in love, all the time I struggled when I left you: it all lead up to this moment._

_When we finally pulled apart, I could barely get the ring onto your finger you were shaking so bad. I think it was the pure shock of it all. You gazed down at your finger again, as if to make sure it was real. I'd being lying if I didn't say I checked to._

_"I can't believe we are going to get married," you said. I smiled. I'd never seen you glow quite this much before. "Are you sure?" you asked, looking at me as if at any moment I might take it back, and you might awake from this dream that you seem to be having._

_"I'm sure love. All these years I thought that the idea of marriage was what ruined my parents. I blamed it on every aspect of my childhood. But then I realized, when I was gone, that its not the social construct at all. If you find the person you are meant to be with, if you love someone unconditionally, a marriage isn't going to be doomed. It's not going to be easy, but that doesn't mean its a lost cause."_

_You looked up at me, using your newly ringed finger to brush the hair on the side of my cheek. "You know you have a way with words Mr. Harry Styles. Have you ever considered being a writer?"_

_I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Think it's got a lot more to it than just that," I laughed._

_You shrugged. "Maybe so, but at least I know your vows are going to be well-written."_

_"Oh we're writing our own vows now are we," I smirked._

_"Maybe we are. The wedding's my dream now isn't it?" you replied._

_The wedding was your dream, it had always been your dream. But in this moment, sitting with you in my arms, looking at the lights of our Christmas tree and watching them reflect off of your new diamond I felt like maybe this could be some of my dream too. After all, all I'd ever wanted was you. Us. Forever. And now we were one step closer._

_All the love,_

_H_


	14. Chapter 14

_Olivia,_

_I was never one to believe in all that "your wedding is the best night of your life" crap. I mean, truthfully, you know that I was never a huge fan of the marriage concept anyway. Why did you need a big party and legal papers to establish you were committed to someone? Wasn't two people committing to each other enough?_

_You'd blame it on my lack of an example, and I suppose that was part of it. My parents' marriage, as short lived as it had been, was far from perfect. There was lots of yelling, lots of leaving, and very few moments of loving._

_But then you had my mother and Robin, together for years before they officially 'tied the knot'. I'd say that's because if you're with the person you're meant to be with, it doesn't matter what you called yourself- your love is enough._

_But here I was, fulfilling a lifetime dream of yours because that's just how much I loved you. Wearing that stiff tuxedo, while Niall cracked jokes about it being my "last chance to run" was almost enough to send me far from the church. Just kidding, darling, nothing would have convinced me to let you go. Not again._

_When I first caught a glimpse of you in that white dress, it took my breath away. Suddenly, you were the only one in the room. You looked like a princess and an angel, all in one. Your arm linked with your father's whose face had a look of happiness that I don't think I'd ever seen come across it before._

_When you reached the alter, your hands meeting mine, all I wanted in that moment was to hold your body in my arms. "You look absolutely stunning," I whispered, unable to mask the dimples on my cheeks as I stared at the radiant beauty of you in front of me._

_The ceremony seemed to drag on, but with your hands locked with mine, even the stiff black tux I was wearing seemed tolerable._

_It wasn't until the minister said those famous words, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," that the reality of the whole thing set in._

_You might say in that moment I was converted, because suddenly I understood why people did the whole wedding thing to begin with. It was for that moment, the moment when we officially became husband and wife. I could never find the right words to describe it, because words simply wouldn't do it justice._

_I felt like I was on top of the world. I had your heart and you had mine forever. We would grow old together, sitting in our rocking chairs barely able to hear each other speak. We would have kids, running around our house driving us crazy with both love and adoration. We would be together, for the rest of our lives. And there was nothing greater than that feeling._

_The reception followed with champagne, food and celebration. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. You were the happiest I'd ever seen you. Your smile radiating from ear to ear. Your eyes sparkling under the dim light._

_When the DJ announced it was time for our first dance, I grabbed your hand in mine and led you down to the dance floor. The opening cords of Ed Sheeran's "Thinking Out Loud" came from the speakers as I placed one hand at the small of your back and the grasped the other in mine. You entwined your arms around my neck, as we began to softly sway to the music._

_"I can't believe we are married," you whispered into my ear as our guests watched on._

_"It feels good, being married," I replied._

_You twirled the hair at the base of my neck. "Never thought I'd hear those words leave Harry Styles' mouth."_

_I smiled. "Me either."_

_We waltzed around, and though we were surrounded by hundreds of people, it felt like we were the only people in the room. Just the love of my life and I, dancing in each other's arms._

_"You are the most beautiful bride," I said, my eyes scanning your face._

_"You don't look bad yourself," you responded with a laugh._

_I pulled you down into a dramatic dip, which sent you into a fit of laughter._

_As I put you back on your feet the room erupted into a roar of clinking glasses._

_"Better give the people what they want," I whispered placing a hand on your cheek before brushing my lips against yours._

_The night continued on. Toasts from our favorite people, my ridiculously good dance moves, and a bit of an appearance by Niall in his drunkest state._

_I could tell that you were having the time of your life, and nothing made me happier. Because this celebration, this formal occasion, it was all for you. I did this because it was the one thing you'd always dreamed of._

_And I had to admit, all my past criticisms aside, I didn't regret_ _this decision. Because if there was one thing I knew for sure, it was that our love was different than anything I had ever seen. We defied odds, our history surely demonstrated that._

_As the party died down and we made our way to the getaway car, my eyes gazed down at the band that now adorned my left ring finger. It felt strange, something being there, but it also made me feel thankful. I'd never believed that there were such things as happily ever afters, not until you. But that band, on my finger, proved to me that maybe fairytales can exist, we aren't all doomed after all._

_As we pulled up to the apartment , my heart began to race once again. We'd been here a million times before, but this time felt different._

_"Welcome home Mrs. Styles," I said, before lifting you up to carry you bridal style through the front door._

_"I like the sound of that," you laughed, running a hand across my cheek._

_I liked the sound of that too. It was the beginning of the life I'd always dreamed of. And it was the start of our happily ever after._

_All the Love,_

_H_


	15. Chapter 15

_Olivia,_

_The first time we tried our hand at the creation of life, we were on Cloud 9. The idea that if things went as planned, in nine months we would have our very own little Olivia or Harry to hold in our arms  seemed incredible, and our hearts were full of excitement._

_"I hope the baby gets your curls," you laughed, pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear and we lay beneath the sheets, the heat still radiating from our skin._

_"As long as she has your eyes," I replied softly, staring into your blue ones. You have the most beautiful eyes in the world you know, even if you don't quite agree with me. I slid my arm around you, pulling you in closer to me so I could stroke your hair. "However she turns out, she'll be beautiful just like her mama." I said with a wink._

_"Oh you know it's a girl huh?" you said with a raise of your eyebrow._

_"We can't have a Harry Styles junior running around, he'd be stealing hearts as soon as he popped out of the womb." I flashed you my cheekiest smile._

_You rolled your eyes the way you always did when I tried to crack a joke, but I knew you loved it anyway-it was a true statement, I'd stolen your heart after all._

_"How about," you said, pausing while running your fingers up my bare arm, "we have both."_

_I leaned down and kissed you, not imagining any place that I would have rather been but in that moment. "Guess we'll have to get quite good at this then," I said with a wink and you laughed._

_But as you know, things didn't go as planned. The magic little stick never developed a second line. I shrugged it off and told you it was only the first time we'd tried and that we'd just have to get some more practice in._

_And so we did. But each time, we watched the stick fail to turn positive, and each time we got a little more disappointed._

_After a year of trying to create life, things started to change. We'd tried everything: apps, tests, techniques, foods, old wives' tales. Nothing worked._

_We didn't wait together for the magical line to appear anymore. I wouldn't have even known that day if I hadn't happened to catch a glimpse of yet another test in the bathroom trash can._

_It was at dinner with your mother that you finally cracked. Your younger_ _sister's_ _kids were running around the table like they always do and your mother said the one thing that we didn't want to hear._

_"Bet they would really love to have some cousins around here," she flashed us one of those 'Can you just give us some grandkids already?' kinda smiles and I could see your face drop._

_"Working on it," I said with a wink, and your mother and sister_ _laughed. You, however, weren't amused. You stayed quiet for the remainder of the evening, until we got in the car to drive home._

_"When will she let it go!" you practically screamed, and I although you were quite vague I knew exactly what she you were talking about._

_"She's just excited, it's what mothers do Liv," I said, setting a hand on your thigh._

_"And you. You aren't any better, encouraging her with that 'working on it' crap," your voice was clearly angry._

_"Well it's true," I said lightly._

_"Working on it? Really Harry? It's been over a year. One year. Don't you think if something was going to happen it would have happened by now? You don't get it," you crossed your arms and turned to face away from me._

_It hurt me to see you upset because I knew you were hurting. We both were, especially because it was something we both wanted so badly._

_Later that night I found you curled up in our bed. I crawled in behind you and wrapped my arms around your waist, resting my chin on your head._

_"Do you wanna talk about it?" I whispered, knowing that you were awake but not sure if you were gonna pull one of those 'I'm pretending I'm asleep' cards like you always did when you were upset with me._

_You turned into face me, and I saw that your face was stained with tears. I placed a soft kiss on your forehead. "I'm sorry about earlier."_

_"It's okay," you say, but I can tell by the way you bit your lip that you are fighting back more emotions. "What am I doing wrong?" you cried, letting your emotions reveal themselves once again._

_"Nothing, love, you've done nothing wrong. None of this is your fault," I reassured, pulling you into my chest. "There's a lot of factors that go into it you know- hormones, pH, timing. For some people its easier than others," I try my best to reassure you with the best of medical knowledge, but it proves ineffective, you continued to sob into my chest._

_"There's things we can do to figure this out," I said running my fingers through your soft locks. "We can go to a fertility specialist-both of us, maybe this is all my fault." I thought my suggestion was a valid one. But my mind had always thought through things differently than yours. I needed answers. I needed facts. But for you- that wasn't the most important thing, and maybe that's why my suggestion infuriated so much._

_"We both know you don't think it's you at all," you muttered under your breath, turning around to face away from me._

_"Liv," I tried to halt you, but you reached a hand out behind you to signal that I should stop talking._

_" I'm not going to have someone tell me all the things I have wrong with me. I'm not going to go and get the news that we both already know. We aren't going to a specialist- end of discussion."_

_And so I dropped it. I knew with time that maybe we'd have the discussion again. But now wasn't the time for that. Instead, I watched you as you devoted yourself to your latest attempt at a novel. I knew it was keeping your mind off of things, so I let you be._

_I'd watch as you furiously pounded into your keyboard late into the evening hours, sat with your head between your hands as you came up with your next creative vision, and drank far too many cups of coffee to be healthy._

_We didn't ignore each other, but we each kept a safe emotional distance. I wanted to be supportive, but I was struggling too._

_But soon your emotional frustrations seeped into your writing. You'd slam your computer shut  with so much force that I was sure it would shatter. You'd pace our bedroom, lost in thought. You'd curse under your breath at your computer._

_After a few days, I finally confronted you about it. "What's wrong darling?" I asked coming up from behind your seat at the desk and setting my hands on your shoulders._

_"Can't get anything right anymore," you said under your breath, your frustration obvious. "First conceiving, now writing, I'm never going to get anything that I want out of life. Why are you still here Harry? I can't give you what you want anymore."_

_And there it was. The pain that had been lingering for the past few weeks. The unspoken topic that had distanced us. The guilt and blame that you had thrust upon your shoulders, and wouldn't take off._

_I loved you more than anyone in the entire world Olivia, and I never wanted you to be in pain. I never wanted you to think that you had failed me. Because you never could fail me. You were the most important person in the world to me, and I knew that as long as I had you, there wasn't anything else that I needed in life._

_"I've been thinking..." I began, coming to your side and kneeling down beside you. I grab your hands in mine, my finger brushing the diamond ring around your finger- a reminder of the promise we made to each other._

_"I like things with just the two of us. Things are good. And I only need you Olivia Scarlett, I'm perfectly happy as long as you are by my side. We're the perfect little family you and me."_

_"Do you really mean that Harry? You aren't disappointed?" your eyes revealed the insecurities you had been feeling._

_"Of course, love. I don't need anyone but you. You're the love of my life."_

_"Then let's just keep it just the two of us. For a little while anyway," you said, and I finally saw the beginnings of the smile that had been absent over the past several weeks._

_And even though every image in my head about what our life would look like together had been altered, I didn't care. I had you. I had my Olivia. And that meant more to me than any Baby Styles could._

_All the Love,_

_H_


	16. Chapter 16

_Olivia,_

_That morning, I could tell you were in a good mood. I woke up at noon after a long overnight shift in the ER to the smell of bacon and eggs wafting into our bedroom._

_I stumbled still thwarting away the grasps of slumber into our kitchen, hearing your sweet voice humming to yourself. The humming didn't always happen, not unless you were especially happy._

_"What's got you in such a good mood this morning?" I said as I wrapped my arms around your waist from your place in front of the stove,  placing a small kiss behind your ear._

_"Can't I just be in a good mood and make my husband breakfast?" you say with a smile, turning your head so I can plant a sloppy one on your lips._

_"Guess you can," I went to the coffee pot and pour my self a steamy cup of Joe, sipping it before you brought over a delicious plate of bacon and eggs and set it down in front of me._

_"How was work last night?" you asked, leaning your elbows on the counter._

_"A little crazy. Had a nasty MVC come in, got the guy stable thankfully." I knew you never wanted to hear all the gory details of my job, some of that was better left to the imagination and some episodes of Grey's Anatomy._

_"My little lifesaver," you smiled, before pouring yourself a glass of water and taking a seat next to me._

_"Last week on the night shift for a while though," I added._

_"I'm glad. It's hard to fall asleep without you there," you placed your hand on my arm, tracing circles with your fingers._

_"Hard to get good sleep when you wake up at the crack of dawn," I grinned, which elicited a roll of your eyes._

_"I write best in the morning," you shrugged. You glanced down at your watch, before reaching a hand up to twist your hair on top of your head._

_"So what's on the to-do list today my love?" I asked._

_"Well, for starters today's halfway done," you laughed. Working the night shift really messed up my days. "But I've just got a few errands to run this afternoon, I'll be back for before dinner."_

_"We can enjoy my night off then?" I asked, I could never be quite sure as of late. You had become pretty invested in the novel you were working on, and I didn't dare disrupt you when you'd found your "muse"._

_"Of course, babe," you said, placing a kiss on my forehead before grabbing your purse and keys from the counter. "See you later."_

_I quite enjoyed my day off, and your good mood seemed to be contagious. Thinking I would repay the favor from breakfast that morning, I texted you saying I could take care of dinner, to which you responded that you "already had it figured out"._

_I was in the shower when you got home, and when I went to open the bedroom door to enter the kitchen you yelled at me. "Just stay there for a few minutes." I listened to you, because I know better than to argue, but suspicion began to build in my mind. This wasn't a special occasion or an anniversary. Maybe you had finally heard back from that publisher you had been sending your work to over the past few months and we were going to celebrate? Although I was quite good at reading your mind Olivia, this one I couldn't quite figure out._

_"Okay you can come out," you said, knocking on the door. I opened it to see your wide eyed grin, and I knew whatever this surprise was, you were excited about it._

_Our dining table was lit with candles, with our finest dishes on the table. A small package, wrapped in gold paper sat at my spot._

_"What's all this love, hmm?" I wrapped my hand around yours as you led me to my seat._

_"Just open it," you said, you hands fidgeting like they always do when you get excited._

_I peeled the bow of slowly, then ripped the wrapping paper and opened the box. I let out a gasp when I saw what's inside. It couldn't be. We had given up over a year ago._

_"I'm having your baby, Harry. We're having a baby!" you exclaimed. I set the pregnancy test in my hand, two lines visible, back in the box._

_I ran over to you and gave you the warmest embrace, then brought my hands to your face and enveloped you in a passionate kiss. A baby. We were having a baby. Something I had given up on long ago. But it was happening, we would soon be a family of three._

_"This explains the good mood earlier," I raised an eyebrow. "You kept this from me all day?"_

_You nodded and I knew you were proud of your self control. Despite our struggles and your adamance that you were okay with it just being the two of us, I knew there was nothing in the world you wanted more than to have a baby of your own._

_"I was late last week and this morning, I thought well maybe. And so I took the test, and it was positive. But I wasn't sure so I went to the doctor today and they confirmed it. I didn't think this would ever happen,"  your eyes began to fill with tears and I wrapped my arms around you, pulling your head into my chest._

_"I know it's still early but..." you began._

_"We're having a baby Olivia," I said once again, not believing the words are falling from my mouth._

_I get down onto my knees, bringing my face to eye level with your stomach, with Baby Styles._

_"I know you can't hear me yet little one, but it's Daddy. Your Mommy and I are so excited to meet you in just nine short months, you got some growing to do before then. We love you already," I cooed before planting a kiss onto your stomach. You ran your hand through my hair with a laugh._

_"I guess this means that I'm going to get all swollen and cranky, huh. Will you still love me when I'm craving pickles with peanut butter?"_

_"You are going to be the most beautiful pregnant lady in the world Liv," I smiled. "And I'll still love you even when you squeeze my hand so hard I lose circulation while you're screaming for an epidural."_

_"I think I want a natural birth," you rebuttled._

_"You say that now," I responded with a laugh._

_The truth is Olivia, there wasn't anything in the world that could happen that would make me not love you. I loved you more than I loved anything in this world. And now that we had a new member of our family for me to love, I think I loved you even more._

_We celebrated that night like we'd never celebrated before, and I couldn't wait for you to  become the mother I always knew you would be._

_All the love,_

_H_


	17. Chapter 17

_Olivia,_

_When I woke up that morning to the feeling of sunset warming my cheek and the sounds of the birds chirping, I should have known the day would be different. But how would I know that this would be the day that would change my life forever?_

_It was my day off, the first real day I'd had off in nearly two months, and I was so excited to be able to sleep in without the noise of the alarm going off in the morning._

_I peered over to the bedside table to see a little note, embellished with your beautiful curling script- the kind of script someone only as naturally gifted with a pen as you were could have._

_**Didn't dare wake you when you were sleeping so peacefully. Have a wonderful morning and baby and I will see you for lunch this afternoon.** _

_**Love,** _

_**Olivia** _

_As usual, the note was sealed with a kiss in your signature hot pink lipstick._

_Lunch had become somewhat of a tradition over the past few months. Your pregnancy, our little miracle, had been far from easy_ _._

_The first few months had been the worst, with you fighting off morning sickness nearly every waking minute. It got to the point where you could barely leave the house for fear that you might find yourself in a situation._

_Luckily for us, this didn't last forever. But then the exhaustion hit. You couldn't sleep well anymore, and the further along you became the more of a toll our little one took on your body. There were many days when you came home completely exhausted. I'd snuggle up to you on the couch and offer a back and foot massage. You smiled through it all though, and I suppose it had something to do with the fact that we had wanted this for so long. You knew the reward that was waiting for you at the finish line._

_Taking_ _you out to lunch every few weeks gave me the opportunity to not only offer you more support, but to keep me sane when I had a busy week full of late nights._ _We figured we needed to make the most of our last few months as a family of two, before a new member became the very center of our universe. If it was anything like our friends were telling us, little Baby Styles would be taking up a lot of_ _our_ _one-on-one time once she (or he) arrived_ _._

_When my work phone rings as I'm about to leave the house to meet you for our lunch date, I groan. Couldn't I get a day off in peace?_

_"Harry?"  the voice on the other side of the line says. It' s Madison, one of our primary ER nurses._

_"Madison. Please don't tell me you are calling me in on my day-off. I was just about to meet Olivia for lunch." I shake my head thinking of what my wife would say when I once again had to bail on her for our date._

_"I'm not calling you in, Harry," Madison's voice was hesitant, as if you wants to hold back whatever she has to say next. "Harry, it's about Olivia, she.."_

_"The baby's coming? The baby's on the way? Oh my gosh I'm on my way," I rushed around the room frantically, trying to gather whatever I could. It was early, too early for the baby to be delivered. You were only at 32 weeks, but things like this did happen, and with the medical care available to us I didn't have a doubt in my mind that this early delivery would be an issue. You and the baby would be just fine._

_I heard Madison's breath hitch on the other side of the line. It wasn't the kind of noise you wanted to hear when you were already in a panic. "Harry just...just get here as soon as you can, okay?" she said quickly before hanging up the phone._

_Get there as soon as I could? My mind instantly started racing with possible scenarios. And none of them were good ones. My heart quickened its pace. I grabbed the keys to the car off the dining room table and headed up the car, zooming out the driveway as if I was in a Fast and Furious movie._

_As I drove to the hospital my mind was racing. I knew what kind of bad things could happen, I worked in the emergency department after all- bad things happened every day. I tried to keep my brain from jumping to all the worst case scenarios, the terrible aftermaths of accidents I had seen in my time as a doctor. I tried to rationalize, what would be the most likely scenario- but even that was a hard pill to swallow. Because any scenario in which I was called into the hospital by anyone other than you couldn't possibly be a good one._

_I swerved into the first parking spot I could find, jumping from the car and rushing towards the ER entrance._

_"Where is she?" I practically shouted at one of the receptionists as I walked in the door. Her face was shocked, as I had never been one to get emotional in the workplace. Dr. Styles was calm and collected in even the most stressful of situations. But this situation was different- because this time I was the scared family member praying for good news instead of the one delivering the verdict._

_"Dr. Styles, please just have a seat for a moment. Someone will be right out."_

_I didn't want to sit. The last thing I could do was sit. But I did, bouncing my knee up and down until I saw Dr. Tomlinson come through the door._

_That was my first signal that the news was bad. Doctors didn't come out into the waiting room, not when a patient was stable and waiting in a bed behind the ED doors. No, doctors came out when there was something serious, a decision to make, life-saving measures in the process, or worst of all a death._

_"Dr. Styles, Harry," he said, placing a hand on my shoulders. "Come with me."_

_Dr. Tomlinson doesn't take me to a room with you in it. Instead we head to one of the family rooms, the ones we use to deliver bad rooms. I'd been in these rooms thousands of times, but I'd never thought I'd be the one receiving the bad news._

_"Harry, there's been an accident." With those five words my entire life changed._

_"Olivia was t-boned by someone running a red light. She was rushed to the hospital immediately. Her injuries were pretty severe but we've got her in surgery right now." I inhaled loudly, trying to keep my composure._

_Dr. Tomlinson placed his hand on my knee. "We are doing everything we can, Harry. But it's very likely the baby will have to be delivered as she was showing signs of distress."_

_I nodded in understanding, but that was just going through the motions. My mind wasn't comprehending a thing, not really. But how could I when the life of the woman I loved was in danger._

_"How bad Louis, you can tell me," I looked at my coworker with pleading eyes. I didn't want this to be sugarcoated for me._

_"One of the worst I've seen in years. I'm sorry Harry. We are going to do everything in our power," he added but his eyes showed his own doubt. " We will keep you updated," and with that he closed the door behind him, leaving me to sit and wait-my entire world on the verge of collapsing around me._

_All the love,_

_H_


	18. Chapter 18

_Olivia,_

_The waiting was torture. I'd never fully understood the emotions of the families I'd approached countless times to deliver the news they'd been waiting for. I'd always sympathized with them, because I could imagine how difficult the uncertainty of not knowing your loved ones condition could be. But experiencing it, that sense of dread, concern, helplessness combined into the unknown- only then did I truly realize what that situation was like._

_Surgeries can be long. But no surgery of my career had felt as long as yours. I felt so helpless in that waiting room. I couldn't look at charts or check for updates from the OR. This time I was merely a civilian, closed out from the medical world._

_Madison had been kind enough to pop in to check on me from time to time. Bringing me water and snacks, none of which I could stomach. It was nice to have someone looking out for me, because god knows I was an absolute wreck._

_When Niall unexpectedly comes through the door, I know it's yet another one of my coworkers attempts to keep me sane._

_"Harry, your nurse just called me and told me I should come see you. What's going on? Are Liv and the baby okay?"_

_I looked up at my friend, his normally high-energy demeanor tampered with worry._

_"Livs been in an accident. She's in surgery right now. It was bad Niall," I said, the words still sounding foreign coming from my mouth._

_"Oh my god," Niall gasps. "I'm so sorry mate," he took a seat next to me placing a hand on my shoulder._

_Niall stayed by my side, through those hours of waiting. He stayed silent, something I didn't know he was capable of. I'd never been someone that thought I needed someone. I liked to be independent. But in this moment, I was happy that there was someone there next to me._

_"Dr. Styles," a voice brought me out of my daze. I look up to see the doctor, the white coat that I usually adorned now looking like the judge of my fate._

_I stood. "I'm Dr. Gibson, the neurosurgeon on your wife's case," he said extending his hand for a handshake._

_He was here, looking for me, which meant he was out of surgery. I wasn't sure I was prepared for the news he was going to give me._

_"Why don't you take a seat," Dr. Gibson gestures back towards my chair. "Would you like your friend here to step out?"_

_I looked over at Niall. "No he can stay." If I couldn't have you beside me I supposed Niall was the next best thing._

_"When your wife was brought to the ED she had suffered severe injuries. Several broken ribs, a head laceration and a baby in distress. We immediately rushed her into surgery after identifying a subdural hematoma, as well as some internal bleeding."_

_I inhaled deeply. As a medical provider myself, I knew that none of this was good. Individually they would be serious injuries themselves, but together, well they were most certainly life-threatening._

_"Upon arrival in the OR, the OB on-call Dr. Richards, determined that the baby needed to be delivered via emergency C-section. We were able to deliver your daughter successfully, and she is currently stable in the ICU."_

_I try to muster up the courage to be happy with this update, knowing that our baby girl was alive and doing well. Instead my mind is only focused on you._

_"Your wife came in with serious injuries. We did everything we could but.."_

_I don't need Dr. Gibson to finish his sentence to know the painful answer awaiting me. It's a phrase that has frequented my own vocabulary far too often._

_"Despite our best efforts your father was not able to be resuscitated". "Despite our best efforts we were not able to save your daughter."  "Despite our best efforts the damage was irreversible."_

_Those words were hard for me to say as a doctor. Those were life altering words. It was a phrase that would crush dreams, change lives, and haunt all those whose ears they fell upon._

_I'd never thought I'd be the one hearing them. But now the sound of that phrase would be replayed in my mind forever._

_"Your wife came in with serious injuries. We did everything we could but despite our best efforts, the trauma to her head was too severe. We were not able to detecto any brain activity. I'm so sorry, Harry." Dr. Gibson placed a hand on my shoulder, as if by some magical power his touch would make everything better._

_I felt like I was in the middle of some bad dream, and that at any moment I would wake up drenched in sweat to you running a hand through my hair in an effort to slow my breathing. I was in denial, because this couldn't possibly have happened to me. My life was finally taking a turn for the better, and I finally had everything I never thought I would. And then like some cruel trick, it was all snatched from my grasp._

_I couldn't move for who knows how long. I saw Niall's mouth moving but I didn't hear anything. My body had gone numb. All I could do was try and focus on the last time I saw you. What you were wearing, the way you smelled, felt, what words last fell from your lips and mine. My mind drew blanks._

_By some miracle I am snapped back to reality, the reality I had no desire to be a part of._

_"Would you like to see her?" Dr. Gibson says. You'd surely assume that I was going to see our new baby daughter, my future now, because that is what any sane person would do. But it was quite the contrary. For I wasn't sane in that moment, and I knew it would be far too painful to see the miracle we had longed for without you by my side._

_I needed to see you Olivia, I needed to hold your hand one last time. I needed to know that this was real. That I was really going to lose you._

_"Yes, please, before I sign any papers." Dr. Gibson nodded and opened the door as I followed._

_When I saw you, laying in that hospital bed, my heart fell from my chest. If I didn't know better I may have thought you were in a deep slumber, your face peaceful even with the cuts, bruising and intubation._

_"Olivia..." I mumbled, as I rushed to your side, grabbing your hand and clasping it in mind. It's still warm, and I lifted it up to plant a kiss._

_It's then that I started to breakdown. The tears began to rush from my cheeks, and the sobs begin. I placed my head to your side, sobbing alongside your mechanically-induced breathing until I can't even catch my own breath._

_"I'm so so sorry," I whispered over and over again. Some part of me thought that maybe for once in my life, science would be wrong. There were medical miracles, and it was no lie that our story had been full of small miracles._

_I think perhaps, all our miracles were used up, because each time I gazed up at your face to look for a flicker of your eyelids, I'm met with the same disappointment. You were gone, and there was nothing I could do to change that._

_Several hours later, a nurse popped in to check on me. "Would you like me to take you to see your daughter?"_

_I blame it all on the grief, because we both know I never lash out. In that moment, however, I couldn't believe that someone would expect me to leave my wife's bedside, during our final moments together._

_"How can you possibly ask that in a time like this?" I shouted. The nurse jumped back in shock._

_"I'm sorry sir, it's just..."_

_"No, I am grieving the loss of my wife, and I would very much appreciate if you would let me do so!" She stays quiet._

_"I'll go check on her," Niall said, I had forgotten he was even there. I looked to him, my face likely red and blotchy and give him a nod._

_I didn't want to be that person, Liv. I didn't want to be that terrible father that was far too concerned with what was leaving him then what was coming into my life. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave your side, not when these would be the last moments I set eyes on you._

_And so I sat there, like so many family members before me. Knowing the inevitable outcome, but clinging on as if love could overcome death. You were the love of my life, Olivia, and no amount of time would really prepare me to let you go._

_All the love,_

_H_


	19. Chapter 19

_Olivia,_

_I don't think there is anything worse in life than witnessing the death of the person you love. Watching them take their very last breath, and holding them in your arms, knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can do to bring them back._

_Time stands still, and you relive every moment. Every touch, every kiss, every laugh, every word-it all raced through my head as the nurse began to unplug the machines that were keeping you alive one by one._

_I knew that is what you wanted, you had been clear on that. "If its my time to go, I want you to let me go, none of that miracle stuff okay?" you had told me one night after I had told you about family argument I had witnessed in the ER earlier that day._

_Knowing that was what you wanted didn't make it any easier though. After the nurse removed your intubation, I sat and watched your chest rise and fall, until it didn't anymore. I held your hand as your body began to turn cold. And then you were gone. The love of my life was gone._

_I tried to tell myself that letting you go like this was what was best. There was no life left here for you. But even I, medical degree and all was in a little bit of denial. This shouldn't have happened to you. This shouldn't have happened to us._

_I fell into a dark place. I'd been to dark places before: during my parents divorce, after our first breakup, when we couldn't conceive, but none of those places compared to the darkness that filled my life now._

_Everyone told me that putting you to rest would help bring me some peace, and maybe it did to some people. Maybe celebrating the life that you had lived and knowing that you were in a place provided comfort to your parents or your little sister, but to me? Well, it only brought more darkness._

_It was easy to fall victim to the endless game of what if. A game that haunted most of my waking moments, and that kept me from falling asleep at night. What if I had been in the car with you on the way to lunch? What if we hadn't went to lunch at all? What if I had been the one working in the Emergency Room? What if I could have saved you?_

_What if a miracle would have happened?_

_The guilt was the worst, because I knew that I was the one who had put you in that situation in the first place._

_I was the one who insisted on continuing to pick up night shifts, even though I knew it meant less time I could spend with you. It was also my idea to go to lunch in the first place, my attempt at keeping our life as normal as possible until our baby arrived._

_I also felt the guilt of not being with you in that car. I had been so insistent on sleeping in that morning, that you had been forced to go on errands by yourself. If I had been driving, the situation might have been reversed, or perhaps completely avoided._

_But the worst guilt of all came from knowing that you died in a place where I was a specialist. A place where I had saved lives countless times. I had this belief that if I had been working in that ER when the ambulance brought you in, that we could have saved you. If I had been there, I would have performed better medicine, and we would be together cooing over our new baby girl instead of you being buried six feet under while I barely held it together above ground._

_I thought I had gotten my fair share of bad luck in my life. I'd suffered through my parents divorce at a young age, and a less than fostering family environment growing up. I'd struggled to make ends meet during med school in a foreign country. I'd lost you once, and almost lost you for a second time when our life wasn't going how we had planned. I'd learned my lesson, I wasn't going to give up on us-not for anything._

_But apparently that suffering wasn't enough, because life had taken the one thing that I had to keep me on track, my compass, my anchor, the love of my life. I had nothing left._

_How could you be taken from me so soon, Olivia? We had so much more to accomplish. We were supposed to grow old together. First raising our children, then watching them raise their own. We were supposed to retire on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean, laying on the sand as you journaled and I soaked up the sun. We were supposed to be that cute old couple, that after fifty some years still couldn't get enough of each other. When I took an oath to love you 'until death do us part' I didn't think the parting would happen so soon._

_It wasn't fair. How could life be so unfair? How could what was 'meant to be' be me living without you in my life, trying to raise our daughter on my own? How could it our miracle baby be meant to be raised without her own mother, someone that had struggled for so long just to get to this point?_

_I felt guilty for thinking it. And I know that you were looking down on me from above in disappointment when the thoughts crossed my mind, but there were many a night when I wondered why the baby lived when you didn't. There could have been another Baby Styles, but there was only one you Olivia. There was only one._

_I didn't like this path of life. This is not what I wanted, this is not what I would have chosen. I kept trying to see the bigger picture, the lesson that I was supposed to learn. Maybe the lesson was that there are no true happy endings. That I was stupid for ever having believed that maybe our love story was one of the ages. Maybe life took you from me because it knew that I had forgotten how messy and hurtful love can be. I'd gotten too comfortable in my life with you, and life needed to show me a lesson._

_It didn't matter what the deeper meaning of all this was, however. Because no deeper meaning could heal the pain in my heart and the hole in my life. I didn't think I could move on, because my entire life, the one person that I couldn't live without, was gone forever._

_All the love,_

_H_


	20. Chapter 20

_livia,_

_After a few weeks, I finally worked up the courage to visit our daughter in the NICU. I was a horrible father, I know, but the thought of seeing the piece of you that remained in my world only reminded me of what I had lost._

_Niall had been visiting her daily though. Who would have thought Niall of all people would be checking up on our baby girl? The party god himself had turned into quite the baby charmer, arguably winning himself the role of godfather. He gave me updates, and told me that she was getting stronger and stronger every day. I knew she would. Her mother was a fighter, and I couldn't imagine she would be any different._

_The first time I laid eyes on her, I couldn't believe how small she was. I knew she would be small, babies are small, but something about seeing her in person took my breath away. She was so peaceful, laying in her little NICU bed._

_The nurse let me hold her, and as soon as I held her in my arms I felt a sense of calm. She brought me peace, the first peace that I had had in weeks. I think it was because of you, this piece of you that I now held. She didn't fuss or cry, she just looked up at me with her tiny little eyes-the same color as yours._

_I felt myself begin to tear up. I definitely hadn't been bottling up emotions over the past few weeks, but these tears for the first time didn't feel all full of anger and heartache. I felt a small hint of joy. Our baby girl, the one that we had waited for so long to meet, was finally here._

_We never had a chance to decide on a name. You always wanted something classic, where I thought maybe we should think outside the box. We'd went through baby book after baby book searching for the right one. You stressed about not having one decided before the baby came. I had told you that when the baby was born something would just click. We would know the name when we saw her._

_I looked at our baby girl. Beautiful, calm, but with a strong sense of will and perseverance. She had been through so much in her first few weeks of life. An accident, the death of her mother,  the absence of her father, but yet, through it all she kept fighting. She needed a name that would encompass all that, the life that she had already lived._

_So I ended up choosing Scarlett. Because what way to honor you, her mother, than to name her after you. She was my new world, now that you were gone, and holding her in my arms I realized that it was my job to love her as much as I had loved you._

_I didn't know the first thing about raising a daughter. Heck, I didn't know much about girls in general. It was going to be a journey, I was sure of that. I'd make mistakes and you would laugh at me from above, thinking about how I was doing it all wrong. And maybe I would be, but I'd figure it out eventually._

_As I held Scarlett in my arms, I made a new promise to you. I promised you that I would take care of her, protect her, and love her as unconditionally as you had loved me. I would never abandon her again. Not even when I was in the darkest of places. That's what you would want from me. That's how I would continue to show you just how much I loved you._

_"Hi Scarlett," I whispered sweetly, grabbing her little hand in my fingers. "It's me, your daddy."_

_She looked up at me, and though I knew she was too small to show emotions, I swear she gave me a little smile._

_"It's just gonna be the two of us for a while, but that's going to be okay. I love you very much, and I'm going to take care of you okay? We are going to take care of each other."_

_With my daughter in my arms I felt for the first time a sense of hope. Maybe my life wasn't over. Maybe this wasn't the end. And maybe Olivia, we don't just get one great love in life. Maybe we get two._

_All the love,_

_H_

 


	21. Chapter 21

_Olivia,_

_I think I maybe believe you now, all that crap about writing having the ability to heal. As I've written these letters, as I've written about us, I've relived all the best moments of you. I've also relived some of the worst. But through each, the good and the bad, I've been reminded of everything that you have taught me in life. All the ways in which you have made me into the man I am today._

_I've also been reminded of the love that we share. An unbreakable love that continues to blur the line between life and death. You were my one true love Olivia, and I'm thankful each and every day that I got to spend my life with you, even if it was cut far too short._

_As I write this letter, Scarlett is laying on that ratty grey blanket you should have thrown away years ago next to me. She's beautiful, Olivia, just like her mother. I wish you could see her._

_I thought I couldn't do it. For those first few months, I didn't think I could possibly do it without you- raise our daughter without her own mother. But then I began to see you in her. The way she smiles, the glow she gives off each and every day. Even her little giggle that is beginning to become more and more frequent. She is more and more like you every day, and I know now that she is your gift to me in this world. A way in which you continue to show your love for me each and every day._

_I've decided this will be my final letter to you. Not because I am forgetting you, but because I know that I've gotten all that I think I can from these letters. You were never one for hanging on to the past, or dwelling in the sorrows of what life had dealt you. You were about the future, and fate, and finding happiness. So that's what I'm going to try and do now. Look towards the future. Raise Scarlett in a way that would make you proud. And maybe even find a way to find that happiness again._

_One day maybe Scarlett can read these letters. And she can love the person you were the way that I did. And one day, if she's lucky, she can find someone that changes her life the way that you have mine._

_I love you Olivia Scarlett Bennett. I will always love you. And I'm thankful every day that fate brought me you._

_All the Love,_

_H_


End file.
